You Oughta See Me Online
by CarrieAnnB
Summary: For a song prompt! Reid meets a girl online and the team tries to help him.


**AN:** Amazing song! You have GOT to hear it if you haven't already, it's hilarious and cleverly written. Then again, I'm biased. I'm seeing Brad in concert November 13th ;)

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**Song Title for the Prompt: **Online by Brad Paisley.

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"What keeps dinging?" Morgan asked, throwing his paper down on his desk and swirling his head in every which direction, trying to find the sound.

"Sorry, it's me," Reid said apologetically, reaching forward on the computer sitting on his desk and turning down the volume on the little speaker box. "It won't stop dinging."

"What the hell is it, anyway?" Morgan asked, wheeling his chair over to nosily look at Reid's screen. Why? One) He's actually interested and two) he's so bored. Therefore he's actually interested.

"It's nothing," Reid said, clicking away on things until the desktop appears.

"Your hiding something," Morgan accused.

"I am not!" Reid said, pressing the off button on the screen so it goes completely black.

"Oh yeah, sure," Morgan sits back in his chair, staring Reid down. "Is it porn?"

"At work? Yeah, right, Morgan." Reid said, his cheeks blushing into a color similar to what you'd find on Garcia's blush palettes.

"Come on then, let me see," Morgan said, reaching forward and clutching the mouse.

"Cut it out, would you?" Reid yelled, slapping his hands away. "It's my own personal business!"

Morgan raised his hands in defeat. "Fine, don't tell me," his eyebrows arched and Reid could just tell: he had a very torturous threat coming out. Damn the power of blackmail. "I'll just get Garcia to hack your computer and we'll sit in her office and laugh at it for hours -"

"Fine!" Reid shouted, slamming his hands hard on his desk. "I downloaded something. I'm not really familiar with the computer because I don't have much time to browse the internet and whatnot..."

Morgan's eyebrows raised. "What'd you download, exactly?" he asked, his curiosity growing larger. At first it was like those tiny balls you could buy in gumball machines, but now it's like a big round inflatable Earth ball of curiosity.

"It's this chat type of thing, I don't know if you've heard of it..."

"MSN?" Morgan guessed.

Reid shook his head shamefully. "AIM, I think it's called."

Morgan snorted a little. "Yeah, of course I've heard it," his arms slumped in disappointment. He really wanted it to be porn. How much teasing could he get away with if he caught Reid with that? At work, especially. Damn innocent Reid. "What's the big deal?"

"Well," Reid scratched the back of his neck. "I accidentally clicked on something that opened this box on the web that showed a bunch of users or whatever it's called -"

"A chatroom?" Morgan guessed again, falling in his chair lazily.

"Yeah, a chatroom," Reid said, nodding.

"Seriously, you need to buy yourself a damn computer," Morgan said, shaking his head. "That's just pathetic."

"_Anyway,_" Reid said, not wanting to hear Morgan rant and rave about Reid knowing everything under the sun BUT how to go about doing things on the internet. "I landed in one of those chatrooms and I got to talking to some people."

Morgan waited for the ball to drop. "So?"

"So, I don't know," Reid's cheeks flushed again. "This one girl started talking to me and," he shook his head at the black screen. "I should just log off."

"Wait, wait," Morgan shot up, wheeling his chair closer to the computer. "Just wait a second here," Morgan's curiosity grew big again. "What are you two talking about?"

"Just stuff." Reid shrugged.

"Stuff like...?" Morgan pried.

"All kinds of stuff," Reid narrowed his eyes at him. "Why?"

Morgan shrugged, reaching for the mouse. "I'm bored too." he said honestly. "There are no cases today, really? What's up with that?"

"I think the fact that we're lost without people killing people is kind of a warning sign..." Reid said thoughtfully.

Morgan shrugged it off. "So, what's her name?"

Reid paused, staring at the screen, deciding whether to turn it on or keep it off.

"Reid," Reid looked his way. "It is a she, right?"

"Yes, I already said that," Reid said snappishly. "At least I think it is. I mean, how can you tell over the internet?"

Morgan slapped his arm. "You really can't unless it's through WebCam; why do you think there's so many online predators?"

"I know that, _Morgan._" he said with an eye-roll. I mean, seriously? Now Morgan's just insulting his intelligence.

"Turn it on, I wanna see what you've been saying to her," Morgan slapped his shoulder teasingly, like men typically do to rough them up. "I wanna make sure you're making yourself look good."

"Yeah, see, that's the thing..." Reid flicked on the screen, and soon the screen kept getting brighter until the desktop was the color it should be. "I think I'm failing."

"What, why?" Morgan frowned.

"I don't know!" Reid looked at Morgan, sad. "I can't even flirt with girls online, man!"

"Calm down," Morgan coached, pulling the keyboard closer. "You just need a little help. Luckily, I'm here."

Reid rolled his eyes at the screen, which is now opened to the chatroom.

"This the girl?" Morgan asked, pointing to a particular username. The username was _IslandofMisfortune_. There's a thumbnail picture of a girl with high cheekbones, pale skin and dark brown hair that's pin-straight.

"Yeah," Reid said, sighing nervously.

"She's cute." Morgan nodded. Reid sighed. He liked gaining Morgan's approval.

Morgan's fingers hovered above the keypad, then he began typing up words.

"Whoa wait, what are you saying?" Reid asked self-consciously. "I haven't responded in a while; she didn't even notice I was gone. Just forget it, man!"

"Calm down!" Morgan yelled, his finger pressing hard on the Enter button. "I've got it handled. I'm inviting her to a private IM chat."

Reid paused. "Meaning...?"

"_Meaning_ it'll be just you two talking back and forth, no other visitors," Morgan rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Reid. Buy a computer. Hell, I'll buy one for you."

Reid fidgeted, his confidence lowering down tremendously. "I don't know about this," he said, biting his bottom lip, looking down at his pointy-toed boots. "She might think I'm freaking her out."

The familair dinging sound filled the speakers and soon a private IM message popped up on the screen.

"Bingo!" Morgan said cheerfully, leaning back to admire his handiwork.

Reid raised his eyebrows. "Wow."

* * *

Twenty or so minutes passed and Reid and Morgan were still typing on the computer, laughing at certain things she'd say, bicker over who would type what next and mostly over what Reid wanted to say, and then sometimes just stuff their faces with vending machine chips and just talk about nothing, except the weather. _IslandofMisfortunte_ lives in Florida.

"What now?" Reid asked, holding onto a Frito chip.

Morgan wiped his salty hands on his legs and grabbed the mouse. "I don't know, she hasn't said anything in a while," Morgan turned and glared at him. "Not since you started quoting Lord Byron."

Reid slumped in his seat, disdained and exasperated. "Just forget it, let it go."

Morgan sighed. "No, I'm not going to let it go, you obviously really like her."

"She lives in Florida. It's hopeless." Reid concluded.

Morgan's eyes lit up. "She lives in Florida," he said, recalling it. "Exactly." he whispered almost devilishly, before wiggling his fingers above the keypad expectantly.

"What do you mean?" Reid asked, becoming nervous.

"She lives in Florida. So if we fib the truth a little bit, she won't know," Morgan's eyes glistened with excitement. He rubbed his hands together. "We'll make you sound _real_ good."

"I don't like the way you said 'real' just now." Reid said.

Soon words began typing on the little text box and Reid watched them, as more and more letters appeared. At first, it didn't sound too bad. _I'm six feet. _Reid nodded agreeably at that. _I work out about three times a week, at the least. I'm pretty muscled and I'm tanned._

Reid yanked the keyboard away, nearly unplugging it. "That's not me!" he yelled.

"No, really?" Morgan said sarcastically, tilting his face. "I'm just making you sound better, don't get all dramatic about it."

"That's the opposite of me, Morgan!" he said, his tone still loud. "It's, it's, it's _you_!"

Morgan grinned. "Well, thank you," he said, trying to mask the large ego that's sprouting. "But I wasn't trying to do that."

"Yeah, right." Reid snorted.

A hand reached forward and snatched a Frito chip from the small bag. "Whatcha guys doing?" Prentiss asked, chewing loudly behind them.

Morgan laid back, sighing. "Reid's instant messaging some girl and he's freaking out because I tried to make him sound a little more," Morgan eyed him for a second. "Manly."

Prentiss laughed. "Reid?"

Reid gave her a dirty look.

"I'm not saying your not manly, Reid," she said apologetically, her smile fading into a frown. "You're just not...masculine?" Reid's dirty look didn't soften. "Just forget I said anything." she decided.

Prentiss leaned forward and read the text typed up on the box, that hasn't been sent yet. She started laughing. "Wow. Vain much, Morgan?"

Reid smirked at him. Morgan blushed. "_I wasn't describing me_!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, right!" she scoffed.

"Besides, Morgan, not all woman want a man exactly like you," she said, grabbing the keyboard and crouching, then propping it on her lap. "I'm going to help you both."

Morgan and Reid watched the IM with high expectations.

She began typing. _I'm twenty-nine years old. _Reid felt better knowing at least she kept his real age. _I have dark hair, about medium-length. I have scruffy facial hair and blue eyes._

"Okay..." Reid said, blinking at her. "I'm not that, either."

"What's wrong with it? You sound hot!"

Morgan scoffed loudly. "You've got to be kidding me, right? That guy isn't -" he paused, trying to find the right words to use.

"Not what?" Prentiss teased. "Not you?"

Morgan's mouth closed.

JJ crouched down to Prentiss' level, giving each and every one of them a funny look. "What are you guys doing?" she asked.

"Trying to make Reid sound hotter," Prentiss admitted.

Morgan nodded. "Or stronger."

Reid put his face in his hands.

"Aw, Spence," JJ laughed, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "You're perfectly fine the way you are."

"You're lying." Reid mumbled behind his hands.

"Come on, JJ, help us." Prentiss invited.

JJ left Reid's side and crouched beside Prentiss, putting the keyboard on her lap. Reid wondered how much farther the cord could stretch before it snapped. Maybe he should cut the cord himself. He looked around for scissors.

"Okay, let's see what I can put here..."" JJ pondered out loud, examining what Prentiss had written. "I like it, it sounds good. Except one thing..."

_Short hair, kind of spiky. _Then she looked at it approvingly.

Prentiss, Reid and Morgan all stared. "Now it sounds like Will," Morgan pointed out.

"Does it?" JJ asked, scrunching up her nose.

"Yes, it does." Prentiss agreed.

"Thanks guys," Reid mumbled. "Because I'm so horrible."

"You're not horrible, Kid," Morgan said, patting his knee. "You just could use a few adjustments." he gave Reid a look to let him know he meant that with as much kindness as possible.

"Well, I've gotta get back to work," JJ said, standing back up straight, then stretching out her cramped legs. "Because I actually am working today."

Prentiss, Reid and Morgan all grumbled something at her then flapped their hands. She walked off.

Morgan yanked the keyboard free from Prentiss' lap. "Lemme do it now," he said.

"No way!" Reid yelled, reaching forward. "It's my turn!"

"You guys, she just sent something." Prentiss said. All three of them leaned forward and read it.

_Where'd you go? I miss you! :)_

"Aw, she gave you a smiley-face!" Prentiss cooed, tousling Reid's long hair. "How cute!"

"I think you'd two make cute babies," Morgan advised, laughing.

"Cut it out." Reid snapped, finally grabbing a hold of the keyboard. He put it on his lap, inhaling intently before typing.

Then he paused. "I'm totally drawing a blank here guys, what do I say?" he said, shifting his legs because they started feeling numb.

Morgan shrugged. "You don't want us to lie, so just explain you the best way you can."

Reid paused. "How do I do that?"

"Start by saying your IQ, that'll get you in her pants." Prentiss said.

"Or she'll think he's a bullshitter and she'll log off right on the spot." Morgan interjected.

"Ah, good point, it also sounds cocky." Prentiss agreed.

"So...that still leaves me in the same dilemma," Reid pointed out. "What do I do?"

Hotch walked over, stopping dead in his tracks. He stared at the situation, and they all froze, like they just got caught watching porn at work. Uh-oh.

"What are you guys doing?" Hotch asked. It was inevitable.

"We were just showing Reid something, sir," Prentiss said, smiling.

"Helping me with something, actually." Morgan included. It sounded better. Less like they were dicking around and more like actual work.

"Is that AIM?" Hotch asked, squinting at the screen.

"Yes it is," Prentiss admitted. "Sir." she lowered her head.

"You know what AIM is?" Morgan laughed.

Reid's mouth gaped open in surprise.

"Yeah," Hotch admitted, the corner of his lips twitching from a growing smirk. "Who are you guys talking to?"

"Some girl Reid met online," Prentiss explained. "We're trying to figure out how to describe Reid to her."

Hotch paused. "How about hard-working? A good listener -"

"More like a good talker." Morgan blurted.

Hotch ignored him. "- A good friend, nice eyes."

Prentiss laughed. "Nice eyes?"

Hotch shrugged.

"You think that'll work?" Reid asked.

"It's worth a shot," Hotch chuckled a little. "Better than what Morgan probably could come up with. He'd probably just describe himself. I can see it, _Big arms. Naturally tanned._"

Morgan's cheeks flushed as Reid and Prentiss smirked at him.

"We'll go with what Hotch said," Prentiss agreed, typing it up.

"Also, you can keep the short dark hair and just get rid of the scruffy facial hair and blue eyes, and put dark brown." Hotch added. "Oh, and change the height to six two."

Prentiss paused. "Then that's just describing you."

"Yeah, well." he smirked, shrugging his shoulders casually.

Prentiss rolled her eyes and typed it up, then sent it away.

They all awaited a response. It seemed to take an agonizingly long time. But eventually it appeared. All four of them leaned forward and read it.

_I think you sound very handsome ;) I'm six foot three, so only a little bit taller than you, HA!_

"Whoa," Morgan said. "You've got yourself a model there, Reid." he said, slapping his back playfully.

Another message dinged through the speakers and they all read it.

_I'm actually on my sister's account. My name's Mike, I have dark hair too, and blue eyes. I'd love to look into your gorgeous brown eyes one of these days ;)_

"Mike?" They all asked out loud. Soon Morgan, Hotch and Prentiss scattered like cockroaches.

"Thanks guys! Really, thanks!" he called out sarcastically.

JJ came up behind him, leaning over his shoulder to see the IM.

"Wow...that, I didn't expect," she looked at Reid sadly. "Sorry it didn't work out with your semi-secret admirer."

Reid shrugged, putting the keyboard back on his desk and shutting it off.

"I meant it when I said you're perfect the way you are, by the way." she said wholeheartedly, smiling.

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**AN: **Ah, I love that song _and_ Brad Paisley; Criminal Minds added into the mix just makes it THAT much sweeter! Hope I made ya guys laugh! ;)


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